Russia, Let's Make a Deal

Come on down Russia and lets share a few beers before we accidentally start a full blown nuclear (we’re all gonna die) war over the Ukraine. 

Don’t Invade the Ukraine and We’ll Give You California!

Yep, you heard me-the whole state. Unfortunately, liberals have completely destroyed what once was considered the most beautiful place to live in the country. Yeah, those days of California dreaming are over.  The Beach Boys stopped having fun, fun, fun now that carjackers stole the T-Bird away.   Los Angeles morphed into Dante’s fifth circle of hell and San Francisco, once the crown jewel of the state, is covered with feces, homeless people and anarchy in the streets.  Conservatives are fleeing to Red States and according to Gavin Newsom, “gangs of people” are fearlessly robbing trains again.  The wild, wild west has returned and everyone is packing heat and forming their own posses.

However, my offer has two caveats:  1) Liberals are not allowed to leave the state for any reason. Liberals are encouraged to move to California but they must stay forever. 2) ALL SALES ARE FINAL.